André Leon Talley
Summing up Top Model’s bizarre dichotomy (now it’s gone all “high fashion” at least), this week’s episode opened with the four remaining girls going on an awkward little meeting over tea with Franca Sozzani to ... a truly absurd task working as tea-tray dancers. But hey, waitressing skills have to be a plus for the show’s contestants post-show, right?
Tea-tray dancing, as the "job" title suggests, involves balancing a tea tray on one’s head while shimmying belly-dance-style. After a sham of a lesson in which everyone’s tray fell, like, all the time, the challenge was an unpleasant surprise — meaning there were no really spectacular wipeouts or clothes that caught on fire. But the girls probably started trying a lot harder when the bonus candles were added to their trays for the final performance. (ANTM conspiracy theory: The girls had small magnets in their turbans. Yes/No?) Brittani took the win, and then showed a lack of any real competitive spirit by choosing to share her prize — a runway lesson with Miss Jay — with Hannah.
The photo shoot involved the girls stepping out of doors, cars, and carriages, twirling and rubbing up against walls, while styled in bright Issa clothes. Even so, it was kind of dull — despite Alexandria’s duck lips.
Issa designer Daniella Helayal joined this week’s panel and proved to be very nice indeed, with shiny happy comments all around. ALT — introduced by Tyra this week as being "sexified" — didn't share her mindset, as he made clear that he “doesn’t want nice, [he] wants dra-mah.” André thought Alexandria had gone mad, Hannah had gotten lost, Brittani had broken her body all over (that’s a good thing), and only Molly had produced Italian Vogue-worthy content — his “wow moment.” (Though Franca totally had eyes for Brittani first and foremost earlier.) With his fellow judges in meek agreement, it was a predictable bottom two: Alexandria and Hannah, representing too much control versus too little. This gave Tyra another chance to break out her “model handlebars” reference, clearly this cycle’s go-to silly metaphor.
In the end Hannah got to stay, while Ali, by far this season's star in terms of entertainment, got sent home. At least with ten episodes full of mad antics behind her, she’s close to a lock for next cycle’s All Stars edition right? Fingers crossed. Enjoy our video of ALT's highlights and more from last night's episode: